Disgust and Broken Egg Shells

Maybe someone should have told you, you were so worked up, and through your tears they should have seen the signs.  Though this scene ended with me dead in a coffin, you shouldn't have had to suffer like you did.  There is an open invitation to horror shows in the Sunday edition, and you couldn't bear not too go.  Scared out of your wits, you battered down the bathroom doors, each stall was painted with vulgarity.  And it screamed its hoarse voice at you, and you couldn't take it.  I tried my best to shelter you from the storm, but the lightning bolts fell in to disarray.
Don't forget it.
Maybe you can take the time to forget it all, but I won't, I threw myself into the chopper, placed my neck in the guillotine, and took my toll as i threw myself down your stairwell on a cold frosted December night.  A ghastly face found me, and told me of your sins, and you were crying on the other line, until there was no one left but me, after all your parents told you to grow up, move on, and get out.  
Can't you see me standing in shattered glass.
A pistol whipped station was where I found myself out bleeding out into the egg whites because I couldn't find the energy to scramble them on time.  No one wanted to help you but me, and as I laid dying on my own i couldn't find the truth anymore.  Maybe you should have located your conscience, and told it to remove, because all your unconcious desire should never have bottled up inside itself.  People find a fault in my findings, but I say why.  
Sure it hurt, but if you weren't happy why stand here by my side, we took our stupid vows, and for what, there is one life we lead.  Down the sidewalk.  Down the sidewalk.  Down the bridged path.
God forgive this, forgive himself, damned idealist.
The rage was built up inside me, it was boiling out, and when I finally calmed down, I saw your fear on the mirror, fogged up from my heated bath.
You took off your ring, I bitched and complained, and then I took off mine.  
The horror house of dying lovers, it shall pass, though i never want to return to the meat grinder.

Low Exchanges.

There are a millions reasons you can't find back home

you covered,
you stepped in the water,
you broke off a stem from a lil flower
you covered your tracked, you took it back to the start
but you found you were too far from the truth
the lies kept building and building up
you couldn't find the way back hom
you wouldn't look too long
this is just the start
as you silently
depart
oh you just became the biggest news at this game
oh you just couldn't shut  your damn mouth
bragging all the time, bitching at the folks i called my friends
this isn't personal but back the hell off
this is why im so locked up inside
a rage infesting my fingertips
raging out in verse
I'm sorry for my ambiguity
I apologize in advance if i sound to forward
but my oh my aren't you looking ravishing tonight
said the bearded lady to the crocodile man
I
apologize
I apologize for my inconsiderate
remarks
remarks about your sweater.

Other Things

I dreamed I was falling through the clouds
And I was making up this song about you
I dreamed this all in a single afternoon
And its all because of what you've done

So many people called me by hurtful names
Took me through the mud in there nasty ways
But I don't blame them because I did it for you

People needed something else
People wanted something else
You didn't want me, no matter how much I wanted you

I dreamed that I was calling your name
From some far off place where you couldn't see
I dreamed this just this morning when I couldn't wake for you
Give me more than this my long lost regret

People wanted something else
People wished for something more
And you didn't want me, no matter how much I wanted you

Go ahead and run that way, you won't find happiness there
Not saying you would have found it here, I had my flaws
Go on and chase your dreams that way, they'll evade you
I'm just saying you can't have it all, no, no I can't have it all

People chasing something else
For something else is all they ever want
I just wanted you, but you didn't want me.

The Lovely Preferences

A tin soldier ran up my wall and demanded that i set him free, he quarreled, and then he and me, we decided this shouldn't be.  his place was in the collection of arifacts i've taken from my grandmas drawer, that i mistook for a collection of mirrors no one wanted.  The tin soldier contemplated, he strained to find a protest, he knew he had no soul, but he no longer wanted to sit idley by.  In a days time he and I found a common ground, while he was plastered together, I was plastered too.  in this shell i called my body i was trapped in an everlasting coat of imperfection, while he would wear away the new paint would fade, and he would be a former shell of his former self, until eventually he gathered dust and became brittle and unrecognizable.  I don't mean to complain about the way the weather effected this decision, but maybe we're all a little to contemplative of our lasting impression.  This isn't meant to be all whithers and fades away, the speed all depends on the condition of its use.  And I reminded the toy that his decay was because of loves enduring grasp, and that though he felt crippled he can't forget the past joys and triumphs that will never pass away.

Perfect Impossibility

There is something wrong with the way we work
Its a tiny fraction that flowers into a chaotic bloom
so go ahead take the action that best describes you
an adjective of adverse weather condition,
That explodes in a marvelous umbrella pattern
Along with all your ornaments and christmas tree lights
But no more snow fall in this hell hole
Only ash and dust bellowing up into a wet dream
that only meticulous trials of contemplation can appply
an overuse of bellowing vocalist scream out for a
Strict torture to their love of love
so in all the cogs of this poorly oiled machination
we see friction facilitate a fall from good graces
and hear a screeching grind destroy all the god
nature we could muster out of our blanketed conviction
i know you picture an unnlimited strand of viral implications that come chasing you to the end of your course,
maybe you are above par, but too many bogus claims are tripping you up
and flowers bloomed go on booming, an explosion of favorite sayings
he said it, then she said it and the fitted sheet
music hinders our mindful watchfulness at our gate of rubber duckies,
i'm not a clown in a lawyers costume, i'm not painting on my verdict on a myriad of cheerless faces.
play your ace of spades, and i'll throw a club into your gear shift, that'll send you to the great beyond
A heaven in hell, a hell for paradise, we don't go together like peas in a pod,
Though we surely are green,
do you ever wish this could be different if you just danced along to the horrible music
while i get drunk on cheap drinks and bland pornographic celebrity,
it makes the priest horrifed when his congregation impulsively commits suicide all at once,
here is your oil slather it on the metal bindings
while all this nonsense schemes to drive you mad, take a moment and let it remind you of us,
and we through all this maddening bullshit weathered a storm to be perfectly flawed human beings,
surrounded by a world of seekers of perfect impossibility.

Bored.

you are blanketed in deceit and lies, you possess all the uncanny abilities of a song bird, but not the voice, and this sheet of snow is not going to let you go, though you may scream and beg for salvation you dive headfirst into the shallow end when there is not one ounce of water in the pool, you discriminate for the sake of attraction, you break down the heads of all those you adore just to jump into the sack of one that doesn't comply with your understanding of unsaturated fats.  This is how it all comes back and no one really wants to show interest in it.  I know this doesn't make any sense but its not really suppose to, this isn't a grammatical equivalent of einsteins theory of relativity, i am simply expressing a long lost outrage over stupidity.  nothing is more courageous than the lion tamer chasing after so called virtue, and then simply standing waiting to be devoured byt he so called underlinggs he was trying to help.  And the crazy talk goes on and on, and i write out of boredom, writing to write, only nonsense, because that is how i function.  it is my doodle to talk in such unconnected passages so as to have something to do.  Waiting is killer, and time passes far too slowly.

Bored Music

boredom sets in at the most inoppurtune times, and your timing just goes and dies
the fleeting feeling of falling into nothing.
This has become your addiction, your useless acount for nothing but the simplicity of your actions, you did it for love, for hate, out of spite, out of precious little else than to be over the rainbow
you can't go on into the night and expect anything else to saturate your talent
sleep and dream of nothing in particular and you'll find that nothing in particular will dream of you
so the lies began and the truth stopped,
the ticking clocks keep on ticking even in the face of an armageddon
roses go red, and violets remain blue, and this will bring you to some slope of greener pastures
I don't want to sound forward, but don't jump you'll make a mess on the shagged carpet
of a past affliction

A Protest to a Villainous Connundrum

The whole world sits on your shoulders as you've hoisted them up above the crowd
And though your pleasing antics win over some fans, no one is asking for your autograph
you've scraped the bottom of the barrel and found a few cents and put them together and said you were rich
but everyone knows the poor man when they see him
And in all your splendor holding hands with the popularity pole you took down the flag and smashed it with a hammer
And we are deafened by the sound of crying children wanting their hopes and dreams back
We are not to be forgotten the could have beens in the back of the class
To all those teachers who took interest in the ones they thought would go far, and found out they went down low near here, 
Why couldn't you have seen the light in the darkened borders of the cool sigh of fog from my breath
you wanted to see the sight from the heat vision,
And he's their the hero you've hoisted up on your shoulders, and he waves his hands fisted and strong because he'll take any help he can get
The advantage of the disadvantaged is that pride was slowly bleeding out, and in no time they, we, I would take anything to achieve my promised life again
In a future time line we see a cataclysm in the clouds, while the crowds roar and the ball is passed, and somewhere the wallflower sobs into a bouquet of broken regrets,
She wants to smile at the sun, she wants to let her tears dry in a beam of light, but it isn't happening, but should our hero come around to pick her up and put her back on her feet, she won't say no
There is a hopelessness we reach, and irreversable sadness that can and will overtake us, but we adjust our heels and we find that sensibility is what we need now,
Your whole life is infront of you, but some of us wonder, but what if in this chaos our whole lives are going to be robbed from us
The dreamer asks God why in all his infinite wisdom he chose to place the goal, when he was going to level the playing field with a sonic boom,
His players are here, their stage is set, and more are on the way, and the visionary can't stand that he won't even have time to see them fullfilled
Do you know why the cage won't hold me in, why it won't bring us down, do you know why this isn't the end of ends,
It's because we are the masters of our own fate, and I believe in the self, there is nothing stronger than it on this great blue earth, 
So hoist up your heroes and taste the sweet nectar from a batch of flowers no one wants to smell, and we'll sail on ocean waves into the great unknown
I see your point, and I succeed in dissolving it, i'll take your reality with a grain of sugar, but you can't stop the marching band from banging their drums and blowing their horns,
And you can't bring me down.

Pray Tell

the disgruntled asylum patient feasts on his fingernails
until he is distracted by the sunlights as it lights his limbs on fire
he jolts and he screams, and won't settle easily
without some sort of compliment
he can't hear the padded walls whisper while he showers in self-afflicted dissappointment
and no one knows why the caged hyena hollers out of obsenity's toward the shallow masses huddled in a corner to coll their burning infections
broken and bitter the terminally ill mother of two wishes for release
sanctuary is not open for her, as the brimstone beats the pebbled pathway
so fi the people are so musically inclined stand up and praise the chaos swarm of sickle cells
oh by and by the tormented die, and but the flawed pedals fade out slowly
so let the crazy dying people dance, time goes in its singular direction for all,
and at least they had something to fuss about to hell.

yakkity yak

Nothing to report in this gray scheme of things, this isn't so much a state of the art tale, but a rather intrinisic look into nothing.
pretty much a pointless way of saying pointless things because stuff is currently pointless, farewell to arms, and allt he good stuff, till next time dear readers.

Running Around (random free write from a year ago)

I never wanted to pretend that this was going to go anywhere else, but I couldn’t help myself.  When someone offers me kind words, since they are so few and far between I eat them up, craving the sustenance of recognition, of support, of feeling, caring, all of those things that make you feel linked in chains to everyone around you.  But maybe no one is linked, maybe we are all just floating silently and alone, we all have our ways we really feel, but because of how we think we are suppose to act to people, with this fake decency we lose our individual drives, we delude ourselves into thinking that to connect we have to conform.  We have to sit and laugh at the things we don’t find funny, we have to sit and nod to the things we don’t agree with, and use the words we don’t want, and like the people we don’t want.  We always have to put on fake grins, and use polite words.  Even those people who claim they are honest and blunt, are they?  No, in some ways they have a persona too, they think this is how people want to see them, even their feelings are hidden under their icy exteriors, but those are not the people I have problems with.  The People I have problems with are the ones like Allison, the ones that sit there on this throne of politeness and fun, and intellect, who are none of the above, inside they are as judgmental, lame, and stupid as the next person.  You can see it in the hunger of one’s mind, the eclectic words they use, and the vocabulary is essential, how do they describe what they’ve seen to the people around them.  There are ways in which we react that we don’t manifest for fear of judgment, a movie for instance, if it touched you sometimes you can’t say that, so you simplify it, you say oh it was funny, oh it was cool, oh it was thrilling, those may be true, but if you really mean powerful, life-affirming, bad-ass, thrilling, touching, that it pulled at your heart strings, then why the hell don’t you just say it?  I’ll tell you why you are hiding; you are hiding in your own image.  It starts when you are a child, it forms with the people who grow to be your friends, and if you have few friends all your life, then god help you, because you will have only known the way you express things, and if you are only expressing them to yourself well then that audience is the purest and can’t judge you, so you are free to say whatever the fuck you want.  Maybe I’m being unfair, maybe people aren’t really dumb, and I never meant dumb in the academic terms, some of the most ignorant people I know are the ones earning the degrees more often than not statistically of course it’s the ones who are not educating themselves on a daily basis that are dying away.  But I digress, what was this rants purpose really, I can’t really say, but the world is this stage, and we the players, to misquote Shakespeare.  I just want to know when nice became mean, and mean became kindness.  Those fakes, those blunt fakes are some of the nicest people I’ve met, they don’t want to see you, they will tell you, they don’t like something they will tell you, even if you don’t like it.  But those nice masses, those annoying nice people, myself included from time to time, will look you in the eye and lie to your face with a smile, pretending somewhere deep inside, that they are not jerks, but aren’t they jerks?  Yes.  There’s nothing worse than sustained silence broken by a beautiful voice saying beautiful words of how you should spend more time together, how you should do this and this and this, and you come alive, I came alive, I felt like someone wanted me.  Then the next time you speak it has changed yet again, they barely say anything all emotion, all want is gone, and then you sit in that silence and you delude yourself into thinking maybe maybe maybe all the rest of your time.  I will wise up one day I’m sure…

Facts of Opinions. It's a Conundrum.

Facts of my Opinions:
#1 Kings Speech's R rated version was already a PG-13 movie, in the context of the scene the F bombs were essential and justified, and not there for their own sake.
#2 Black Swan is a great film, Natalie Portman deserved that Oscar, but I understand the film is very alienating, with its graphic sense, its crazy psycho craziness, and whatever, but it works, if you are truly trying to process and not just out looking for something to entertain you.  It IS a great film, not for everyone, but its not horrible, its exceptionally made, acted, everything.  Case closed. 
#3 Sucker Punch could have been better, but it mostly sucked.  lets me honest.  it was mindless thats okay, but the "real" plot didn't need those stupid actions scenes, I was looking forward to the movie inbetween those, but it was sacrificed for pointless action mash ups.

well there you go, I'm not very motivated to write anything particularly great, but this is what i have to offer for now.