Confusion in Confusion

I am utterly and completely perplexed by your riddles, and i fail miserably with your quizzes.
But why test, why condition to sensen into nothingness.  this isn't fair
life isn't fair they say they say this is the way it is
everyone is selfishly looking for their own happiness
there own pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, a calm in the storm clouds
i am utterly and completely perplexed in your features, and I fail miserably with my convictions
through your conditioning i have known more nothing, and assume nothing in everything
You are beautiful, and seems wise, but behind your eyes though i dutifully serve, I see a wrack of wrath, of pain and misery
you are abandoned in your loneliness, and even your loneliness wants to abandon you
you eat soft serve on a hard boiled plate of chalices, and you never think twice while your voice spits out instruction
But i do not mean any of it as insult, I do not mean any of it as hatred, though at the same time, it isn't all compliment, sometimes its none of the above, sometimes it just is as it is
And through the fire, and through the brimstone, through the self depracating pain that you have failed god, you live a life away from him,
Your voice produces verbs that do not reconcile the soul, but damn it into question, into confusion,
your voice is beautiful, but bears serpent fangs, its lethal and soothing, its terrible and great
you are like a god here,
and although i do not worship you, i do hope to praise you in pieces, that i may be rewarded, cause in truth i care
I care what you think, what you say, i listen with eyes wide open and ears peeled,
Listen on the edge of my seat, while relaxed and reclined back against my comforter
But is it fair, i've seen it heard it a dozen, a thousand, a million times back and forth in my chamber, echoeing against the walls, echoing into eternity,
You are everything i want, and nothing you say can change it
I've botched the words, I've botched the emotions, but time has passed, storms have come, and storms have gone, the sun lingers only till the moon can replace it
and through all these shifts in shifts, I am utterly and completely perplexed in my confusion
I am terrified by this conundrum this puzzle that i shall never be able tp iece together,
But in those eyes, and in those breaths you are everything that makes llittle to no sense, and why should that be bad, or wrong,
Is not a person a complex thing, are not feelings of love or lust perplexing in their very nature, the human condition trying to be seperated from zoology evolutions, and tampered with animalisic miscontent.
Don't worry one day i'll explain it, it'll come out in pure fashion
and honest to god truth broken like a beer bottle on the sidewalk,
And while choirs sing, you'll be praying while straddling to sexed up music, you the contradictory station on this perfectly flawed world,
That i love.