Absolution and Pleas

Help me i'm a murderer of mercy
I am caught in my own contraptions
Send any survivors back to me and hope they can release me
Let them skewer me with their hates
And crowd me with their blame,
But make it quick, because this pain now is of my own devising
I am breaking apart, and they are twisting my arms
Breaking my legs and ripping out my innards
And bringing them to lay outwards,
Where is the help that they called forth to heaven,
Only a demons eye gleams towards my own,
I am twisting under his gaze, as he extends claws heavenward from hellish prisons,
And I can't tell which way is diagonally oblique.
My victims are merciless, and cruel,
Becoming vultures of my misdeeds,
And erasing my good ones like dry erase boards upon their common contraptions,
My blood spills upon this mortal coil,
And it is twinging, on a nothingness that carves the very soul of me
That they want to fill with their versions of my event,
I assure them, I knew not what I did, and only  hurt them for their sakes,
But this oxymoron makes no sense, it is repugnant,
And foul to the senses,
Tasting of rotten lies, and treachery,
And whatever good words  they spoke of me in childhood,
The teachers and mothers would never recognize,
I am a monster, a killer, and I know what i've done,
Don't forgive me, let me kill it in myself,
Because I die a little each time,
Regardless of how many times the infantry spears me.
And sometimes,
in a momentary misstep, I speak good forebearance upon their heels,
and they wander for a while under mine watchful eye,
Happy and gleeful,
Which they will always, but while they fall down the pit that i suddenly placed before them,
They only recall survival instincts, as harsh cutting roots break away into their faces,
It wasn't easy for me to dispose of this,
But I dispose of myself with ease so freely,
And when i'm out of here, i'll walk amongst the people,
Again.