An Apology

Relationships are easier said than done,

And when they end the words that rang so true always seem false,

But not for me,

I meant what I said when I said it

I believed it with all that I was,

And I didn't want to wait for anger to arise to be on horrible times before parting ways,

The forward progression was halted,

I didn't see a way past this,

I would have loved to continue, 

But I felt like I was leading you forward into nothing,

I didn't feel more,

And I didn't want to continue kissing you,

And saying we were happy,

When we were not.

But only certain things change,

labels, kisses, frequency of seeing one another,

But the comfort and concern the laughs,

Those can still prevail through friendship,

I have nothing to charge you with,

Your only fault was loving me too much,

And my crime was letting you down.

I didn't give you the time you needed,

Or the views to share,

You deserved better than what I was giving up,

I did what I did with a heavy heart, because I knew it would devastate you,

And I knew you were strong and I knew you would try to pretend that you could see me and be friends with me, too soon, 

And I know it pains you to have to do so.

I didn't want to abandon you,

After all that talking, caring, comforting,

How could I shut it off,

And I stand by my promises to be there for you,

You are trying to search for a way to blame yourself,

Don't, you did nothing wrong, even anger, or your hurt, it didn't drive me away,

We were together long enough for me to understand these emotional tornadoes,

I know its not fair

And I didn't want to be one of those people that shows it as not being fair

I am hurting too,

And the appearance of calm, and content that I wear on my face is too be strong for you,

I have no doubt I made the right decision,

and I will offer myself up to the very end point of friendship, 

But I cannot cross back into that plane of a relationship,

What would either of us gain from me trying to alleviate my loneliness,

I would still feel the same,

And I tried, dammit, I tried, and there was some progression but then it halted,

I am not a bad person,

I was just the wrong person,

But not even that, because that would mean admitting a regret,

And I do not regret the time I had with you,

To call you my girlfriend,

To tell you I loved you,

And because I failed you, it doesn't mean that it negates what happened,

Thank you so much, for becoming one of the important people in my life,

And if you will i would like to keep you as one, 

A trusted one in close proximity,

And I hope that we can help eachother,

When the tears settle, and the confusion subsides,

We will be okay,

You, will be okay.

I'm so sorry.